Limitless Living

A Golden Goddess + Four Dwarves Make a Dirty Snow White: Coming to Peace with my Sexuality

Freyja in the Dwarf's Cave (1891) by Louis Huard

The Virgin is a Whore.

Now, there’s two words that are laid down, practically dripping with, emotional baggage. We fling them around as if they weigh nothing. But no woman wants to wear either of them.

I don’t.

Sadly, this dichotomy – and the lack of space between them (like between the aforementioned virgin’s legs) – is the perfect metaphor for female sexuality today.

If we were to define women’s sexuality by today’s male porn standards we might even have to admit that, not only is there no space between the terms, but we are actually expected to be (supposed to desire being) both: Virginal on the outside and a Whore in the bedroom.

I don’t want to be that either.

Interestingly, if we drop the baggage and allow our judgement to lie like long abandoned bed sheets, that sentence becomes nothing more than a definition.

Because, no surprise, we’ve got everything ass backwards.

A real Virgin could be a Whore if she wanted to; as she’s a woman who belongs to herself she can put as many men on their knees (until they cry out in worship) as she likes.

Powerful. Independent. Untied.

No wonder they scrubbed her down and dirtied her up. Tore her in two: the Sacred and the Slut.

I don’t want to be an Aphrodite – a Porn Star Goddess if ever there was one – any more than I want to be the Virgin Mary. If these are the only choices we have, I’m screwed.

I’d rather be Freyja.

There was no God (or Elf) she hadn’t straddled, yet she remained the most “glorious of the Goddesses”. Her sexuality was her own.

They tell a story about a necklace that Freyja wanted. I’m not big on jewelry myself, but considering this necklace was important enough to get it’s own name it must have been some bauble. She offered it’s makers – four Dwarves (the mythical type with beards and little hammers) – silver and gold ( money is no object for her, she’s a Goddess people), but the Dwarves didn’t need, didn’t want it (I guess they had enough already).

I don’t know if the next part is just cheek, if they thought she’d never do it, or if they just felt left out after all those Gods and Elves got some (Goddess of Beauty and Love, Freyja, it’s safe to say, is ‘Da Original Bomb). So, the boys told her they were willing to negotiate; she could have the golden, glittering heart of her desire in exchange for one thing only: a night in the sac with each of them. One night, four Dwarves, most of a week’s work.

Hey, why not.

(Maybe she was curious after all the Gods and Elves.)

So, for four nights in a row the Goddess pulled on her fishnets, tightened her bustier, slathered on some red lips and met each dwarf in turn. The story isn’t clear on whether dinner and a drink were provided, all we know is that after four nights the Golden Goddess went home with her necklace. We can assume it was well earned and the Dwarves were fully spent (all the Gods and Elves has to teach you something), but we’re only told that Freyja went home “as if nothing had happened”.

(I suppose the boys didn’t measure up after all.)

Why, when we say “Sexuality” are we always referring to Who motivates our sex? I think it’s about time we started talking about some Hows and Whys.

Which reminds me, I read this book, Why Women Have Sex, and learned that women have sex just to try it, out of obligation, to have fun, to procreate, out of spite, because it’s expected of them, because they love it, to get revenge, to feel fulfilled, to create a connection, because they are bored…

So. Basically.

Women have sex for all the same reasons men do. Book worthy fact.

Is this shocking? Should it be? Shouldn’t it be normal?

Freja (1901) by Anders Zorn

How do we find our way back to Freyja from here?

I don’t want stud muffins and bimbos, I’d much rather be Divine in Bed. Tantric. Empowered. Mine.

Who owns my body (your body) right now? Who owns my sex act – your sex act – our sexuality? Because I can honestly say it’s not me.

I know where it went. It was beaten, burned, tortured, caged in, thrust, moaned, exploited, shamed out of us. But I’m damn well ready to have it back. All it’s filthy shine and it’s Holy Prostitution.

Me: Powerful. Independent. Unrestrained. I’m taking it back.


p.s. Forget Winter ~ Summer is coming. Summer of Money, that is. It'll be about money, but really, it will be about so much more than money!

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1 Denise Duffield-Thomas { 09.29.11 at 6:51 pm }

Wow – what a powerful essay, really deep down and honest. It really moved me.

Freya comes up for me a lot in my tarot cards – another great sign – thanks,

Denise DT

2 Erika Lyremark { 09.29.11 at 8:23 pm }

Love your voice + spunk shining through! :: Erika

3 Loralee { 09.30.11 at 2:27 am }

Holy batwoman! There’s power in this post! I hope you’re writing a second installment, maybe a 5th at some point? I’ll be back for more…

p.s. thanks for the history lesson too! I seriously need to study goddess history. Soon!

4 Hannah { 09.30.11 at 3:49 am }

Wow. That. post. really. is. Powerful. Unrestrained. Independent. I guess you HAVE just taken it back!
And I love to hear about Freyja, too…
You rock!

5 Alison { 09.30.11 at 9:18 am }

There is a very poetic style to your writing, and have a talent for generating a powerful visual. I would love to read more things you have written.

6 Ellie Di { 09.30.11 at 12:02 pm }

Love it! I’ve been thinking more about my own sexuality lately, which is leaving little room for the more expansive variety of thinking on the subject, and things are starting to become more clear. I dig the image of Freya as someone to look to for that kind of inspiration.

7 Carrie { 09.30.11 at 12:30 pm }

I, too, have been thinking a bit about my sexuality and why I feel the way I do about certain things.

It’s really uplifting to hear others throwing off shame and double standards.

8 Michelle { 09.30.11 at 12:38 pm }

Oooh I love this, as someone who is rather close with Freyja herself. I was *extremely* annoyed once because I read a Victorianized version of the myth in which Freyja was unhappy about the sex and rape was heavily implied – none of that was in the original and that is SO NOT FREYJA. That’s one of the things that I find so powerful about her is that her sexuality isn’t a pawn or a tool or anything to be taken from her; it’s a fully-integrated part of her that she owns completely & has total sovereignty over.

Anyways – powerful, powerful post. Good writing. Can’t wait to see more from you on this topic!

9 Hillary Rubin { 09.30.11 at 8:35 pm }

healing. meditating on your words and journey to your truth. bold + courageous.

10 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:26 am }

@Denise – Freyja’s a Goddess who keeps drawing me back to her – I sometimes wonder if she’s wooing me… I’m not sure what it means, but her story got a hold of me and this post just came poring out.


11 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:27 am }

@Erika – Thanks… Give my spunk an inch and it’ll start making pitches for rolling acreages 🙂

12 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:28 am }

@Loralee – 5! Ack… I better start writing 🙂

13 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:28 am }

@Hannah – THANK YOU! It felt like that too – once it was live I could feel my heart pumping…

14 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:35 am }

@Alison SO flattered, thank you (I blame @Kelly Diels!)

15 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:43 am }

@Ellie – I’d love to hear about what you are thinking about… and what exactly is becoming clear.

16 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:45 am }

@Carrie – and what are you coming up with about why you think that way? I woke up this morning thinking about an exchange I had around my first boyfriend that became notes that might become another blog post… Which is to say, I’m still thinking!

17 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:48 am }

@Michelle – I KNOW there’s a tinge in all the translations of a little shame being added on. It’s interesting because none of this stuff was translated till after Christianity took over (and was mostly done by priests) so it’s hard to know if where the tinge originates.

While thinking about all that, it occured to me that Freyja (and her brother) are older Gods, left overs from the originals in that area – so the shame could be partially from the Norse, while Freyja’s true boldness is forcing us all the way back before the Indo-European wave of colonization… wow. That’s a lot of old shame to be carrying around.

18 Megan { 10.01.11 at 1:49 am }

@Hilary – Thank you. I’m honored to be meditation worthy.

19 shana { 10.01.11 at 12:30 pm }

provocative & soulful!

great work, megan!

20 Elinor { 10.02.11 at 12:42 pm }

Thank you for writing this post. So many decades after the women’s movement started and we *still* have to claim our own bodies, our own sexuality, our own SELVES back. Thank you, thank you, thank you. <3

21 Joy { 11.29.12 at 12:20 am }

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!! I’m so glad I found you!!! I found you by Googling “how to make peace with my sexuality.” You totally rocked this, Megan – THANK YOU for sharing.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me, too!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m taking it back! :^D

I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found another voice of someone who so clearly identifies with my experience and models I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found another voice of someone who so clearly identifies with my experience and models so clearly and so powerfully what I am in the midst of doing for myself.

22 Raine Phoenix { 05.13.13 at 8:16 pm }

That’s wonderful! I have argued with people for years that a “virgin” was simply a woman who owned herself. She could have all the sex she wanted. Having been raised Catholic, but very open-minded and encouraged to be inquisitive, this made my view of the “Virgin” Mary a bit tricky for some. Fortunately, my immediate family is, at the very least, what I refer to as “pagan-friendly” so there’s no problem here. I’m one of the lucky ones. I get to have a mind of my own. I own myself. So, technically, I’m a Virgin! Yay, me!

23 Megan { 05.14.13 at 8:12 am }

Thanks Shana!

Elinor, what if we continually need to do that? Each for ourselves? As much as it sucks, at least we aren’t taking it for granted!

Joy – Call on me anytime you need a cheerleader!

Raine – SO true, and it does require whole new conversations for Christianity. Though, it’s interesting to note that for the first 4 or so centuries Christians did NOT BELIEVE that Jesus was literally God. It didn’t seem necessary to them. Which means they weren’t all hung up on the word “virgin” either.


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